Theology of His Body

Romance without Regret

A couple months ago I made a decision that whatever relationship I enter into next I’m going to make sure that I remain abstinent, and the only way I’m going to cease that lifestyle is on my wedding day. I'll go into why in a bit but first let's talk about love.

Love.

True love is supposed to be about self-giving and not self-seeking. That's the bottom line. If you read the bible verses that are recited at almost every wedding, in 1Corinthians13, it's the inspired definition of love from God. The God that created man and woman in the first place.

Genesis2:18 The Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him.

Use that chapter as your guideline to see if you are really in love. A lot of the verses basically say love isn't selfish. Are you selfish? Are you in "love" because it's better than being lonely. Are you using someone just because of the attention? Because of what material things they can provide? Because he or she makes you feel good about yourself physically? Do you boast about your "love" onto others? Are you just settling because you don't want to be alone? And how you can love someone if you don't love yourself? The only way you can show it is if you've already experienced it and know what it is. The only way you can experience it are through the people who you have failed and still love you (parents, close friends etc) but mostly you experience that unconditional love from God. No matter what you do, or how bad you mess you, his love never fails. He's always willing to take you back. If you understand his love, then you can learn to love properly. 1John4:19 We love because he first loved us.

True love is unconditional. If you love a person based on conditions, I'm sorry but that's not real love. If you "love" them because they are really attractive, what will happen if they get into a car-accident and their face is burnt up and you can barely recognize them? Will you love them still? How about if he can't provide for your family's needs, he's trying but still can't hang onto a job? Will you still love him then? Let's say he/she cheats on you and tries to come back to you because they realized they made a huge mistake? Will you still take them back and say you love them? If not it isn't love.

I think our society really dumbs down what love really is because they made up their own definition and guidelines. It’s a marketing tool they use. They promote superficial love. They show men and women in desperate need of attention. They promote a standard of beauty that everyone should conform to in order to find love. That somehow if you’re single there’s something wrong with you. They show the most attractive people pairing up and hooking up. They emphasize that if you’re single it's probably because no one wants you. They show that story book ending in all the movies and all shows. They show people “falling in love” and hooking up to commemorate that new relationship. People see it so much that people think that’s the norm. That it’s okay to sleep with someone just as long as you’re in a committed relationship. I don’t care how long people have been together, the only time you are committed is when you’re married. No matter how long you’ve been together there will always the possibility of a change of heart, because people always change. The person that you’re with now could possibly be pretty different in the future and not in a positive way if he's not rooted in Christ.

Sex

I'm going to be honest and maybe this is too much info but I'm not a virgin. As a teenager and even younger, I was like any other guy, curious with sex on my mind. I was having these feelings and was a victim of our sexually based society. I knew via my faith and parents that sex was only to take place within a marriage. But the world gets to you right? You end up getting into relationships, and everything feels right and you feel that since it's a "common practice" (you see it on T.V., movies, music, everyone talks about it etc.) and you feel that having sex is okay. So you do it, ignoring you're morals and just submitting into what your flesh wants to do. Being self-seeking (another word for being selfish). When you were having premarital sex did you ever think you were being selfish? Did you ever think that you were disrespecting the individual involved? Think about it.

No matter what society/media, your friends, or the other person involved says, whether it's visible (a child, an STD etc.) or not visible (emotional scars), sex leaves a mark. Even if it was consensual, friends with benefits etc.

Let me ask you this:

Do you respect her (her body and emotions)?
Do you respect her future meaning...
Let's say you don't end up with her, do you respect her future husband?

Do you respect the future kids she may have?

Do you respect her enough to respect the wishes of the people who loved her the most in this world (parents) to not have sex before marriage?

Do respect her God? 1Thessalonians 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immortality.
Do you want to be responsible for her not getting into heaven?

Probably not, right? She's someone's little girl, she's someone's older/younger sister, she's someone's future wife, someone's future mother but presently she's just a girl who you stick it to right? And later tell all your friends if she was good or not right? She's just your little booty call when your in the area or need some physical attention. Why don't you hold off with that experience until you fully know that you're going to be in her life forever?

They'll come a time when you'll want to settle down...
And if you're an honest person you're going to have to eventually tell her your sexual history. I don't know about you but I don't want to give her a laundry list of names or lie about it to her.
A real man owns up no matter what the consequences are. If you're ducking or lying your a coward because you're afraid. And most likely knowing that you slept around is going to give rise to her being insecure about you and herself. She's probably going to question your intentions. But if you changed your life around and she sees that you've changed, I'm sure she would be more accepting.

Why I'm choosing to abstain?
1. God intended sex for marriage. 1Corinthians7:2 But because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband.
2. I don't want to be responsible, if the relationship does fail, for her not trusting men anymore. I've done enough damage. I don't want to hinder her future relationships.
3. I don't want to be apart of that list of guys she's been with and has to later tell her future husband
4. Sex complicates true emotions. It sometimes becomes the only thing that hold relationships together (superficially)
5. I want to show my future wife some respect. Let her know that I waited for her.
6. I want her parents to know that my intentions are genuine
7. I want to be a man of virtue
8. I want to be a father one day who practices what he preaches. I hope to lead by example
9. Unplanned pregnancy, STDs etc.
10. I want to avoid all questions of insecurities (you know I'm not cheating on you because I don't do that). By excluding sex you can avoid a whole lot of drama.

Advice:

-I know right off the bat you're going to be attracted to someone who you are physically/sexually attracted to. That's cool but don't be too impressed. Wait to see how they really are. Don't do anything super physical with them. It's going to complicate things.

-Know your worth

-It's okay to say no. A person that wants to learn how to love you properly will wait.

-Date knowing you could possibly marry this person

-Follow your instincts. (Red Flags)

-Love yourself first and be confident of who you are.

-Raise your standards. (actually make a list: nothing superficial like eye color, height etc.)

-Be skeptical (Why is this person acting really nice to me?)

-If you want to see if a person's intentions are there, tell them, "No sex until we get married" and see what happens. If they stick around great, if not you've just dodged a bullet.

-Abstain. Don't start building up a reputation and emotionally killing yourself or others

-Be the person you want to meet

-Be patient, trust God, he knows what he's doing.

-Educate yourselves. Below are a couple videos :) WATCH THEM!!! They are way better at explaining!

"The Best Place To Have Sex"

"Pure Life"

"Finding Your Soul Mate"

Bottom line is everyone has issues about how they physically look. If you're too tall you want to be "average" height. If you're short, you want to be tall, but not too tall. If you're heavy set you want to be skinnier. If you think you're not "attractive" you want to look more "attractive." If you're too pale you want to be more tan etc. You don't like your body shape, you don't like the placement of your eyes, the shape of your eyebrows, the length and shape of your nose, the lack of fullness of your lips, hair line, ears, toes etc. When does the complaining end? When will you ever be satisfied?

Where are these insecurities coming from? I'm blaming it on the devil, demons who influence the media, society and you. You! What do I mean by that?

You try and fit yourself into their standard of beauty which is unrealistic (Photoshop). Everyone knows what it is or has a basic idea. If not turn on the TV and watch commercials directed toward the aesthetics of a woman, or look at the ads on your browser etc. The further away from it you are the more you want to conform to that image. And some of you become all depressed, hate on yourself or other girls that are more within society's standard of beauty (leading to disorders). I have three sisters, a mom and grandmother who constantly remind me of your struggle especially early in the mornings.

-you gotta color the hair

-curl or flatten the hair

-Shave or add fake hair

-do the foundation

-make sure your nails are done

-curl them eyelashes or add some on

-put on mascara, blush, lipstick, lip gloss, eye shadow, eye liner.

-detail with tweezers

-hit the body spray, perfume etc.

aside from brushing your teeth, cleaning your ears, washing your face, checking if there's bats in the cave.

And then you have this whole dilemma what outfit to wear. Did I already point out that I have 3 sisters? lol

Don't get me wrong hygiene is always a plus! There's nothing wrong with looking presentable. I know you ladies have jobs and need to dress the part. But I mean on the daily, all that other stuff, maybe you ladies are going too far and doing too much. If you think about it the girls that doll up the most, they are the most insecure of how they really look underneath. They're not proud of who they are without the make up, so they cover it up. They depend on it because they want approval of people (strangers mostly). I remember one video this guy was saying that "You're lying with your face." Which is true sometimes. Your lying about your complexion, lip color, your height (heels) etc. And then you have the girls that try and show off their bodies. It's cool to like how God made you but are you showing it for the right reasons? Are you showing how fit you are to inspire others to live a healthy lifestyle knowing that you are a temple of God or are you trying to lustfully attract men? Why do you put yourself through all of that? Where is your self-worth? Where is your confidence? What kind of attention are you trying to attain? Who are you dressing up for? Is he even worth all that time you spent on yourself? You know physical "beauty" fades right? How long can you keep that charade going? Do you hold people's opinion above God's?

~~Love the World?~~

Galatians1:10 Am I now currying favor with human beings or God? Or am I seeking to please people? If I were still trying to please people I would not be a slave of Christ

Colossians2:8 See to it that no one captivate you with an empty, seductive philosophy according to human tradition, according to the elemental powers of the world and not accord to Christ.

1John2:15 Do not love the world of or the things of this world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him

I think all those insecurities arise because you don't truly believe in God. You place to much faith in people, society and their ideas. People are fallible. God made you exactly how you are and is pleased with what he created. You have to know that. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You were WORTH DYING FOR. Once you know that the world's standard's don't matter, you should walk with confidence knowing that there was no mistake made when he created you. He specifically designed you for a specific purpose and for a specific someone in some cases. Be patient. Let him use you.

Don't try and please these guys who look you up and down like that. I know the attention might give you some sort of pleasure but have some respect for yourself. Set an example. Be skeptical of guys who are attracted to you. Don't give it up so easily and rush into something physical. I used to be attracted to pretty girls that wore revealing dresses and were dolled up to a certain extent. But now to be honest I kind of feel sorry for those types of girls. You're someone's daughter, sister, niece, future mother, future wife, role model. Check yourself. Would God even recognize you?