The Never Ending Cycle

I was inspired to write this post because of a video my friend showed me entitled "Spoken Word: A Man's Promise" and because of a long discussion I had last night with one of my best friends.

Everyone knows about the "Never Ending Cycle" diagram right? The one that shows how individuals get screwed over in relationships and how they react? Diagram 1 is the censored version lol and Diagram 2 is something that I came up with.

Diagram 1: I admit that Diagram 1 was the cycle that I was apart of and not just once and learned from it, but repeated it. I always considered myself to be a "Good Guy." Once I fell for a girl, and got "screwed over," I would always blame myself, the girl for being whack or some event. And when I gave up hope and became bitter, I said "Screw this! I'm not going to be the nice guy anymore. I'm fed up with all these girls' games. They play games, so can I." So I went from a guy who originally wanted to be self-giving, to a person who was self-seeking ("Bad Guy"). I'm sure that I hurt few girls in my past because of this. Whether or not they were permanently emotionally damaged, I couldn't tell you. And that's why I'm writing this. This "Never Ending Cycle" diagram shouldn't be the norm or the excuse of why we treat people the way we do. The way I acted, even though I considered myself to be a "Good Guy" was somewhat fake. The image of a Good Guy is fake if he isn't rooted in fearing God.

 Why are you a Good Guy in first place? Why are you nice to people in the first place?

-To win favor with someone? Have individuals, a girl, like you? 

-Knowing that if you help someone, they will pay you back? 

-To make yourself feel or look good? (Pride) 

If you said yes to any of those you were being self-seeking (Selfish) 

In the end what happens? The girl you liked leaves anyway with a deeper disappointment of how guys are. You prove it through the drama you start up with a text, email, voice-mail etc. These girls loose hope. 

Diagram 2: 

Take a Good Guy who is rooted in fearing God and see how we reacts when things don't go right.

-He chooses to respect her regardless because God created her, and God doesn't make mistakes 

-He is content that she wasn't in God's plan for him. 

-He tries to understand the reasons why she acts the way she acted towards him. Maybe she was failed by a man in her life that she trusted would show her love. And because of that failure she has all these reservations about trusting another guy and harbors all those insecurities. 

-Knowing that she is broken, he wants to help her resolves those issues, not to repair their failed attempt but to help her with trust in the long run. 

-He will want to be there as a genuine friend for support to make sure in the end she is happy no matter what

-Pride is something he wants to steer away from, so he sees her off with no drama. Ending on good terms.

She then ends up leaving with a hope that there are genuine Good Guys out there. She's going to refrain from thinking right off the bat that all guys are jerks or have hidden agendas.

The Good Guy's motives for being nice to people is because he wants to imitate Jesus. He knows Jesus' sacrifice and wants to repay him by doing what he said, which is love your neighbor as yourself. He's all about doing it because he believes that God wants him to treat others with respect and kindness. He doesn't want to take anything from anybody, he wants to give and support. And if it doesn't work out, then he knows that God has something else planned. I'm sure it's not all pretty but he's going to pray for the strength.

It's imperative that we break this cycle. Learn to love properly. Self-giving (Selfless) always.

Fellas be conscious. If a girl isn't feeling you

-maybe it's because she has some unresolved trust issues

-she's dealing with some insecurities

-maybe you are doing something that makes her question if you can provide (emotionally, financially, spiritually etc) 

-maybe she can feel that you haven't moved on from your past relationships

-maybe you don't have as much in common as you thought 

But if it does fail, just trust that God is planning someone else for you. Have faith and hope in God. Do not have faith that the drinks and other girls will make you happy. Trust me, all that is temporary.

Random Advice:

Change your view of woman. Love not lust. Change how you approach and treat them. Know that we are all dealing with some sort of insecurities and underlying struggles. Stay true to the guy you want to be. Love isn't selfish. Trust God. Learn to be a guy who loves properly. The only way to learn how to do that is, is if you follow the instructions of God. Change your role models. Guys who respect women, sacrifice (selfless) and love God are the ones you should be looking up to. 

Deep down all a girl wants is to be accepted and loved. If your intentions are genuine, I don't think you'll have to do much to prevent yourself from getting hurt. 

Crucifixion Type Love - Brent Rice 

 A Man's Promise

 When I Became A Man - Phil Allen